Florida Man Stories – September 20

September 20 – Florida Man Steals Chainsaw From Store and Shoves it Down His Pants

Something is going on in Florida’s shoplifters community. Everyone thinks they could stuff items down their pants and get away with them from highly secure stores. While some have successfully done that, others have pulled such dumb moves to their loss. I mean, they end up paying many fold bonds compared to the price of the items they steal.

In this case, a Florida man must have needed a chainsaw so bad that he had to get one, with or without cash. It’s not clear whether the man couldn’t afford the power machine, but he showed up at a Port Lucie equipment store and decided it was time to get the heavy-duty machine. Burglars have often confounded authorities with their genius hacks and ability to blind security cameras, but this wasn’t the case at all.

The guy, probably unaware of the security cameras, walks up to the Treasure Coast Lawn Equipment and tries to distract the cashier by asking for a dollar change. As the cashier gets busy with the change search, the man reaches out for the chainsaw and tries shoving it down the front of his pants. Fortunately, the tool was off at the time.

Anthony Ballard knew there was no time to waste, so he walked up to his bike and started riding off, probably thinking no one had seen his grand theft. Before he knew it, the store’s staff were chasing after him and because he had one more trick up his sleeves, he thought he could hide the machine in a nearby bush.

This too, he thought his chasers hadn’t seen and that he could find his tool a couple of hours later when he returned to the bush. However, to his shock, the machine was nowhere to be found, and the more time he spent searching for it gave the cops time to arrive at the scene. The guy ended up in jail with theft charges on his shoulders.

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September 20 – Man Calls 911 After His Cat Was Denied Entry to a Strip Club

The man called the emergency not once, not twice but continuously, reporting a strip club owner could not allow his baby cat in.

To say the least, Everett Lages is one empathetic man that loves enacting animal rights. Or how would you explain a man so persistent in calling the cops’ number after someone denies them entry into a strip club? The guy and his pet animal sat outside the Murdock Strip joint, repeatedly dialing 911 for immediate justice. Well, cops showed up and immediately noticed Lages was heavily intoxicated. So, they went out of their way and hired a taxi to get him home but Lages was not the one to pull such moves to.

He had just come from home and needed to feel the night buzz with his favorite wee kitty. So, he thought other cops could show up at the scene and probably hear him out. He continued his dialing spree until the cops on the scene thought he couldn’t be contained as a free man. Lages, however, tried resisting arrest, not understanding that he had been misusing the emergency number.

At the end of the day, he had to part ways with his beloved kitty as he headed to jail while the animal was driven to animal control. His actions earned multiple charges including disorderly intoxication and trespassing after warning and was held on a $4,000 bond.