Florida Man Stories – July 1

July 1 – Florida Man and Woman’s New Idea for Drive-Thru Service Doesn’t Go As Planned

Who doesn’t enjoy the ease and convenience of a drive-thru? The average Florida man, or Florida woman for that matter, can be assumed to go through a drive-thru now and then. There are so many options out there that it sometimes seems like you can get anything you want in the drive-thru. But Florida man William Parrish Jr. and his partner McKenzee Dobbs recognized a market that had yet to be tapped.

The Florida man and woman found themselves wondering if it might be possible to take drug deals into the convenient drive-thru format. Most people would leave the idea as an amusing hypothetical. But Parrish and Dobbs decided that it was time to stop letting their dreams stay dreams. The couple quickly got to work, allegedly converting a window in their mobile home into a drive-thru window for drug deals.

This leads to a pressing question: How was business at the new drug drive-thru? In short, business was booming. The Florida man and woman had perfectly gauged the needs of their community.

Business was so good that the couple even needed to invest in a sign to alert people of their hours of operation. The new business also boasted signs to direct people to the correct location at the motorhome’s side. The signs were ironic as the couple assumed that part of the plan’s strength lay in how little attention it’d garner.

However, things were also going well enough that reports of overdoses soon skyrocketed. The increased amount of overdoses alerted police to the couple’s operation. What they found was alarming, if not surprising – heroin laced with fentanyl. With the case solved, the Florida man’s business sign will most likely be permanently set to “closed.”

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July 1 – Florida Man Mistakes a Healthy Organ for a Tumor During Surgery

Surgery carries risks; that’s just the nature of the process. However, depending on the person performing the procedure, things can get a little more complicated. And nobody wants a specific type of Florida man to be the one holding the scalpel. Florida woman Maureen Pacheco can explain to anyone interested in solid life advice why that should always be paramount in one’s mind. Because Pacheco had a surreal and quite literally damaging event occur during her surgery.

Pacheco was scheduled to have bones in her lower back fused. When you go in for back surgery, you might expect side effects, such as difficulty sitting in chairs for a while. But nobody, Pacheco included, expects to wake up from back surgery with one less organ than the day before. And yet, that’s precisely what happened during her surgery.

Pacheco had been anesthetized for the surgery and was blissfully unaware of what was to come. Dr. Ramon Vazquez performed the initial incision just as expected. However, he instantly noted a “pelvic mass” and diagnosed it as a cancerous tumor. Judging it an emergency, the Florida man changed the surgery to instead focus on removing the mass. Unfortunately for all parties involved, the mass wasn’t a tumor – it was Pacheco’s healthy kidney.

Pacheco had what’s known as a pelvic kidney. A fetus’s kidneys usually move from the pelvis to the abdomen during prenatal development. However, the kidney remains in its original position in the pelvis in a small number of cases. Pacheco was one of those people, and any examination of her MRI would have made the point readily apparent. The Florida man’s reaction was natural, given how rare the condition is. However, it’s also something he would have understood beforehand if he’d prepared by familiarizing himself with Pacheco’s medical information.