Florida Man Stories – August 18

August 18 – Florida Man Decides To ‘Do a Job’ – Crime Ensues

Starting your own business is usually equal parts difficult and admirable. It typically takes ingenuity, spirit, and resources to set off on your own. But one Florida man had a brilliant new approach to starting his own business. What if he just quit his job, took the contracts with him, and then stole the equipment he was already familiar with? In short, why not have his current job create his new business for him? Of course, the short answer is that doing so is both immoral and illegal. But a true Florida man like Kevin Aponte wasn’t going to let such middling concerns stand in the way of success.

Aponte was a Florida man on a mission. He’d been let go from a lawn care business after making it clear that he was looking to snipe clients from his boss. Six months later the Florida man was still looking to make his dreams a reality. However, he was also still lacking in the hardware from his old job. Aponte saw an easy solution in front of him and simply broke into his old workplace at night. The Florida man looked over a street sweeper and, already familiar with its operation, proceeded to drive off into the night.

However, Aponte made a mistake quite common to Florida men who throw caution to the wind. He was less than subtle in his intent. Because Aponte had already called his former employer to ask permission to borrow the sweeper. Unsurprisingly his old boss refused the request. It was hardly difficult for the Florida man’s former employer to put the pieces together after a thief who knew how to operate the heavy machinery drove off with it shortly after that call. Police had an easy time of tracking the Florida man down and he was escorted to jail with a $2,000 bond. When asked, Aponte explained that he needed the sweeper “to do a job”.

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August 18 – Florida Man Falls From Above in a Feat Right out of an Action Movie

Imagine a man falling fifteen feet from a roof while clutching a butcher knife in his hand. It sounds like something out of a slasher or superhero movie. But no, it’s reality – for a Florida man who took part in a series of increasingly improbable events.

Florida man Ted Stiemann began his adventure in a manner that has indeed been seen a million times in action movies. Stiemann broke into a vent on top of an urgent care clinic. The Florida man had planned to climb down the vent. However, the path was more complicated than Stiemann anticipated. To be fair, he did manage to expertly repel down from the opening and onto to a beam. His path then led to what seemed like solid footing on a piece of decorative plastic. However, looks can be deceiving and the Florida man fell a full fifteen feet with his trusty butcher knife still in hand.

The Florida man hit the ground amidst a shower of ceiling tiles. But Stiemann was only getting started with his adventure. He proceeded to rip cabinet doors right off their hinges in search of anything valuable. Next, he forced his way into a storage room by hammering his way past the lock. In the end, the Florida man was able to load up a wheelchair with everything he hoped to make off with. Unfortunately, that was the point where he was discovered by an employee.

Stiemann abandoned his newly purloined goods, keeping only the $192 in loose bills that he’d managed to find in a till. When police apprehended Stiemann he insisted that it was his twin brother who’d committed the crime. However, the Florida man’s injuries made it quite apparent what had happened. Stiemann was quickly booked into prison on charges of armed burglary, $10,000 in property damage, larceny, and more.