Florida Man Report – June 29

June 29 – Florida Man and Florida Woman Steal a Motorized Shopping Cart for Their Bar Hopping

Most people know better than to drink and drive. And one Florida man, Jeffrey Sabiel, decided to abide by that wisdom – technically. The question ultimately comes down to whether it’s considered driving when your vehicle of choice is a motorized shopping cart stolen from Walmart. Because that’s precisely what Sabiel and his partner, Santa Walters, decided on.

The Florida man began the night of romance and adventure by taking Walters to Walmart. From there, the couple hopped onto a motorized shopping cart. But the duo wasn’t using the device to make their shopping a little more comfortable. No, the cart was a means to a different end for them. Sabiel and Walters wanted to make it a little easier to get to the bar.

The joyride was successful in a sense. The Florida man and Florida woman made it to their sports bar of choice. Likewise, they were able to sit down to enjoy the night together. Of course, whether it was a night of romance and adventure for them is up in the air. But one thing’s for sure: It was a night with long-term consequences, as police had already been notified of the situation. Not that the couple had put much effort into hiding their tracks.

After driving away from Walmart, the couple simply parked the motorized cart outside the bar before heading in. That surprisingly thoughtful gesture also turned out to be their biggest mistake, as they were soon arrested on charges of grand theft. Likewise, the couple were both booked and housed in the county jail. However, if the couple wanted a better way to remember the night, there was apparently some video recorded from the event that helped to identify them.

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June 29 – Florida Man, This Is a Bank

Sir, this is a Wendy’s. It’s a joke that comes up time and time again within the larger culture. The idea of someone so out of it that they couldn’t tell the difference between a fast food establishment and another type of business speaks to something inherently hilarious. But it’s also something so absurd that it could never happen in the real world – right? Well, it can if Florida man Douglas Francisco is involved.

Imagine the scene. You’re a bank teller at Bank of America. The day’s going like any other day, and a car pulls up in the drive-thru lane. But suddenly, the driver places an order for tacos under the impression that he was at Taco Bell. It’s a surreal scene that sounds like a punchline to a joke. It almost is the “Sir, this is a Wendy’s” joke made real. But it happened during one odd but very real day at Bank of America.

Francisco had, rather unsurprisingly, been drinking. The Florida man had an epiphany that’s hardly unknown to anyone who’s tossed back one too many. He decided he had an itch that only some fast food could scratch.

Francisco went from day drinker to Florida man on a mission. And his mission was entirely focused on getting some delicious tacos. Unfortunately for Francisco, his stomach better-grasped things than his mind. The Florida man was so intoxicated that he mistook Bank of America for Taco Bell. When Francisco pulled into the drive-through he ordered his tacos and promptly passed out behind the wheel. It’s unknown whether the Xanex and oxycodone also found in Francisco’s car may have played a part in these unusual events. But what is certain is that police escorted the Florida man to county jail with a $1,000 fine rather than tacos.