Florida Man Headlines – July 22

July 22 – Florida Man, Woman, and Church Weave a Perplexing Tale Together

When a dog bites a man it’s not news. But when a man bites a dog it’s a lead story. There are a lot of variations on that old saying, but nobody’s ever phrased it as “when a Florida priest bites a woman it’s a lead story”. However, that’s exactly what happened in a normally calm church in Florida.

Father Fidel Rodriguez noticed that one of the female parishioners was acting rather strangely. The woman seemed either oblivious or unconcerned with proper protocol while participating in Holy Communion. In the faith, people are required to have proper understanding, devotion, and reverence for the act before taking part. Father Rodriguez gave the woman a blessing and suggested that she receive what’s known as the Sacrament of Penance before taking communion. This would have given her a chance to discuss how to properly take part in the ceremony. The woman proceeded to leave, but she’d soon return.

Father Rodriguez politely asked if the woman had taken his advice to seek the Sacrament of Penance. She angrily replied that it was none of his business. Something onlookers must have been taken aback by because such matters are, quite literally, Father Rodriguez’s business.

Nevertheless, the priest offered the woman Holy Communion on the tongue. But what happened next caught both priest and parishioners by surprise. The woman grabbed some Communion hosts in her hand with enough force to crush them. Rodriguez may be a priest, but he’s also a Florida man. And a Florida man will protect what he’s charged to protect. In this case, Father Rodriguez has a duty to protect the Eucharist. So he took what he felt was his only option given that his hands were occupied. The Florida man bit the woman’s hand to make her release her hold on the sacred materials.

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July 22 – Florida Man Becomes a Ballistic Mango Man During a Not-So-Sweet Display

A neighbor coming over with some fruit would make for a relaxing evening in a lot of places. But sometimes Florida man isn’t the most welcoming neighbor. This was recently the case when a Florida man, Charles Lovekin, noticed that a mango had fallen onto his patio.

The offending fruit had come courtesy of his neighbor’s mango tree. Said neighbor noticed what had happened and hurried over to Lovekin’s door to offer an apology. It was almost the very definition of what it means to be neighborly. But the Florida man wasn’t in any mood to reciprocate. Lovekin instead launched into a wide variety of insults. The Florida man was particularly adamant in his accusations of the neighbor possibly being gay. The Florida man’s insults were thrown with fury and increasing strength but they would soon escalate.

Lovekin grabbed some mangos and threw them at his apologetic and increasingly confused neighbor. One mango missed but the other hit the neighbor square in the chest. Lovekin continued to throw first more insults and then some rocks. The entire incident is made all the worse by the fact that the neighbor is on blood thinners. As such, any injury that drew blood could pose an extreme risk for him beyond what would be expected from someone in better health.

The incident is made even more surreal by Lovekin’s angry ranting about the neighbor being gay and “looking at him”. The neighbor is in fact happily married with children. However, the fact that the attack was prompted by assumptions over sexuality means that it’s a hate crime. And as such the Florida man now has a $15,000 bond and electronic monitoring – all because of mangos.