Florida Man Files – July 2

July 2 – Florida Man Proves He’d Give an Arm and a Leg for His Ex-Girlfriend

Love is one of the most significant sources of inspiration for people in every culture. Every civilization has epics detailing how love can drive someone to feats that border on the superhuman. Florida is no exception to that rule. However, a recent display of love from a Florida man shows the state’s somewhat unique take on the concept.

The Florida man, Ivan Filgueira, was going through something familiar to most people – the sorrowful aftermath of a rough breakup. Filgueira’s girlfriend had broken up with the Florida man after discovering that he’d been unfaithful. Some people would drink to get over it. Others might just find their empty calorie of choice and veg out with TV to numb the pain. Some people might even give it some time and then try to talk the matter over with their ex calmly but openly. But Filgueira decided to take a more direct path. The Florida man began by showing up at his ex’s workplace crying and begging her to take him back. Somewhat unsurprisingly, this tactic didn’t work out for Filgueira.

People often state that the most generous people are willing to give an arm and a leg. The Florida man would take that in a pretty literal direction. Filgueira called his ex and informed her that he was going to prove his love for her by shooting himself in the leg. The Florida man also alluded to the fact that if an artery were hit, the act might have fatal consequences.

During the call, Filgueira’s ex heard a gunshot, which proved to be exactly as he’d described. Filgueira was rushed to the hospital in critical condition and later charged with possession of a weapon by a convicted felon.

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July 2 – Florida Man Confirms That Potatoes Are Serious Business

People tend to have strong opinions about potatoes. It’s one of those rare foods where undercooking it makes the result almost inedible. And if you really, really, love potatoes that can be a rather disappointing state of affairs. But a Florida man, Kenneth Crumpton Jr., escalated the somewhat familiar event into unprecedented territory.

You’ve probably been disappointed by an undercooked potato at some point in your life. But have you ever been so disappointed that you decided to turn your fork into a potentially deadly weapon to retaliate? Crumpton may well be the only person who can confidently say yes to that question.

The exact nature of the incident is unclear. Crumpton maintains that he was infuriated by the undercooked potato and angrily threw his fork at a woman. In his words, the thrown fork “glanced off her head .”The woman in question maintains that the Florida man kept his hold on the fork and actively attacked her with it. Evidence seems to point in the direction of her account, as police noted multiple stab wounds and blood on her head. However, she declined medical treatment, so the specifics are unknown.

But no matter what the exact nature of the injury is, the Florida man had unquestionably hurt the woman in a fit of anger over a potato. Crumpton was arrested and sent to jail with a $25,002 bond. Additionally, he was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. While the situation is serious, it also shows that a Florida man can turn almost anything into a weapon if his temper flares up – even something as seemingly innocuous as a fork.