Florida Man Docket – August 20

August 20 – A Florida Man, His Booze, and a Golf Cart Might Not Be a Winning Combination

Drunk driving is as unwise as it is regrettable. However, it’s hardly a surprising event in most parts of the world. Where there are people and traffic there will inevitably be those willing to put others at risk for their convenience. However, some places and people are just made a little different. Florida, and the Florida men who live there, are a prime example of that fact. Case in point, James Jackson’s drunken low-speed drive through the Floridian highways. What makes the Florida man’s drive so noteworthy is that he was at the helm of a golf cart rather than a car.

Police came across Jackson after they were alerted to the strange sight of a man fueling up his golf cart at a station and then driving onto the highway. There was also the worrying oddity of the myriad bottles of alcohol, both empty and full, within the cart. Given the strange situation, it doesn’t take a master detective to realize that the Florida man was almost certainly inebriated. Likewise, it’s hardly a surprise that police were able to quickly leap into action and track Jackson down. That’s the upside of a drunken golf cart driver. Pulling someone over who’s struggling to operate a golf cart isn’t exactly like participating in a high-speed chase.

The Florida man was apprehended and the Golf cart was returned to its owner. However, the golf course couldn’t have been very happy with Jackson given that their cart had numerous dents, bent metal, damaged tires, and a broken windshield. The Florida man faces charges of vehicle theft, DUI, property damage, criminal mischief, possession of a fake ID, and possession of alcohol while underage.

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August 20 – Florida Man Banned From the Ocean Due to His Giant Hamster Wheel

The ocean is a mysterious and often terrifying domain. It’s quite common for people to prefer keeping their distance from those ominous depths. But one Florida man is keeping away from open water for a very different reason – he’s been banned from the ocean. What’s more, the reason comes down to his giant hamster wheel.

Florida man Reza Baluchi had a dream. He believed that he could make a seemingly impossible journey from Florida to England. Now, that might not sound outlandish at first. But the twist is that Baluchi wanted to walk there. To that effect, the Florida man had constructed what is for all intents and purposes a giant, floating, hamster wheel. When the wheel’s occupant moves it pushes the wheel’s many paddles to propel the strange ship forward. The vehicle doesn’t have a lot of power or momentum, but it is sea-worthy. And there’s nothing specifically illegal about trying to make a dangerous voyage at sea. But Baluchi made a serious mistake when the Coast Guard attempted to warn him about an incoming hurricane.

Baluhi was argumentative from the start as the Coast Guard tried to convince him to come to shore. This aggravation turned more serious when the Florida man threatened to harm himself with a knife and then mentioned that he had a bomb on board. The Coast Guard later tried to provide the determined Florida man with a small amount of extra safety by delivering food and drinking water. However, Baluchi once again refused help. When the Coast Guard ordered him off the wheel Baluchi admitted that he didn’t have a bomb but still refused to leave his vessel. Baluchi was eventually charged with violation of a Captain of the Port order and obstruction of boarding.